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Welcome to my brain on varnish stripper

Okay, not literally my brain on varnish stripper as in huffing the stuff (although it is hard escaping the fumes), but for the past 24 hours I have been up to my elbows…literally…in an icky, goopy varnish removal process on a set of dining chairs I thrifted. More on that later. But for now, despite my urges to curse throughout the intense labor, I’m going to opt for the positive side that just has to laugh it off in the end.
Here is just a “small” list of my thought process as I am scrubbing every nook and cranny of these #$#@%$^$ chairs. (Insert expletive of choice in that symbol mod podge.)
  1. Here goes nothing. This shouldn’t take too long. Swipe on this junk and let it do its thang. Easy.
  2. So far so good…do dee doo.
  3. Look at me doing things the right way this time. Not like that last chair redo job that went to crap.
  4. I should probably be wearing long pants for this. Psh…whatevs.
  5. Holy jeez! That burns! Pants it is. Take 5.
  6. Sweet already working. This won’t take but 10 minutes tops.
  7. Okay Mr. Scraper, do your thing. Mama wants some hot lookin’ chairs.
  8. Wow this takes some elbow grease. That’s okay. I needed a workout.
  9. Ah…strip it. Ah…strip it. Str-strip it real good! Ooh baby, baby!
  10. My arm is going to fall off. Man, I’m out of shape.
  11. This gunk is creating a brown, gummy paste. What the! Okay, this might take more like 30 minutes.
  12. *30 minutes later* Eww it’s everywhere!
  13. Literally, looks like crap.
  14. Are you kidding? How am I going to get this mess out of these teeny tiny crevices.
  15. Ermahgerd it’s everywhere. Why me?
  16. Aaaaand the garage floor is covered in digustingness. Goodbye happy hubby, hello crabby patty. I’ve ruined his workout space…again.
  17. Okay keep going, Lauren. Just get through it.
  18. It’s getting worse! Ahhhhh %@%$&!
  19. And gummy varnish still not budging from this dang chair. How is that possible?
  20. Doing things the right way this time, I said. Won’t take long, I said.
  21. If I could have one chance to go back and tell past-self not to make a stupid mistake again, it would be this idea. Where’s Doc Brown when you need him?
  22. Okay focus, Lauren. You have probably 30 minutes until Olivia wakes up from her nap…and like 4 more chairs to do.
  23. Let’s go! Olympic speed! …if the Olympics had a paint stripping medal.
  24. Stripping in the Olympics? That’s just wrong. That’s totally what people would think. Hmph…pervs.
  25. Why didn’t I just prime? How hard would that have been? I’m taking years off my life.
  26. This DIYing to save money crap is overrated. I blame the government! Okay, I don’t blame the government.
  27. I wonder if Martha Stewart has ever been in a situation like this…
  28. Who am I kidding? Martha Stewart has never been in a situation like this.
  29. 1 chair to go…I’m out of stripper…and the other 5 need another coat. I’m going to die. I hate my life. Add on any other melodramatic, exaggerated, first world problem complaint here.
  30. Game over. Chairs- 1, Lauren- 0. Until tomorrow, vile furniture, until tomorrow. *Death glare*
Just for visual reference, here they are in their bad cell phone pictured glory…taken at the beginning of the process when I hadn’t descended into the depths of varnish scraping Hell.
They mock me. 

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2 Comments

    1. Thanks! I’m putting the rest of the project off for a bit while I finish out the last few weeks of the school year with teaching. I’m planning to do a Restoration Hardware-esque distressed finish on the legs and arms, fully upholster the backs and seats in a neutral fabric, and add nailhead trim. We’ll see how it goes. I hope your reno is going well! Can’t wait to see the big reveal!

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