I have had a few words living in my heart for the past few weeks, and I probably wrote this post ten times in my head. If you haven’t followed this blog for very long, you should know that I’m super sentimental about everything. It’s probably why I’m so stuck on vintage finds and pieces that have stories behind them.
But I’ve reached what feels like a turning point in my life, and, hey, what isn’t more appropriate to discuss life changes than bursting spring blooms welcoming a new season and a child completely in awe of those fresh, vibrant surroundings? (Sort of a metaphor, I guess.)
Okay, you caught me. This post is totally just an excuse to show off our cute kid for a second. (Kidding.)
Before I get all mushy on you, I need to give you a little back story.
Ever since I was 6 years-old, I knew I wanted to create and help people. Create stories, find answers to problems, capture moments, build people up, figure out ways to make the world around me better…and I may not have had the capacity to really say that then, but I knew it deep within my soul.
God instilled in me a passion for so many things, and all through high school, college, and my early twenties, I could never find my place. I was never satisfied, and I got bored easily or felt like I lacked something that prevented me from focusing solely on one thing. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I had all of these interests that seemed completely unrelated and nowhere to really express them all. I never felt fulfilled.
I had a dream to be a journalist when I was 16, but I realized the competition would be too fierce for little shy me. Being a reporter takes assertiveness, and I knew I didn’t have that.
I dabbled as a photographer, but I figured I had to take pictures of actual people to make money in it. I just wanted to take pictures of beautiful things sans clients.
I loved interior design, but it was just a fun hobby. No way could I ever really be any good and have a job in it. So I’d envision my childhood bedroom the way I wanted to decorate it and created mood boards for my college dorm rooms. (Now I realize that’s not what just anyone does. I suppose I was onto something.)
I became a teacher because I wanted to encourage and empower people, and I did enjoy it in those 5 years, but I felt restless and missed creating. If I had to teach Romeo and Juliet one more time, I would have probably flipped out. (“Mrs. Shaver, why don’t they just come clean and tell their parents they got married to begin with?” Good question, little Johnny. I asked myself the same thing the first 20 times I read it, and I’m stumped.)
Then, a while after getting married, Robert and I were blessed with our little girl, and I adored becoming a mother. Truly, I love it! But I feel guilty to admit that a part of me thought, “Well, that’s it. No more soul searching to figure out what you really want to be when you grow up. You’re there. And you better just be content. No one ever feels 100% satisfied with their job anyway.”
Boy was I wrong. Because you see (if you’re still reading this, please accept this giant virtual hug) just when you think you’ve reached the end of a journey, when you think you’ve reached your destination, and you learn to accept it even if it doesn’t fill up all of those empty spaces in your heart, God can amaze you.
Our little girl opened a door; she didn’t close one. That destination from what seemed like an aimless wandering, wasn’t aimless at all. God had a plan. And when He placed a baby into our lives and gave little lost me the opportunity to leave my job. He showed me how everything I’ve ever loved could fit into a job I could wake up to every day and be excited about. This blog. And, okay, it’s more of a glorified hobby than a full on job right now, but I have His answer.
(UPDATE: 3/10/2016 This blog is officially my job! And I have now matched and surpassed my old teaching salary while still being able to stay home with my daughter. God is good all the time. If you want to learn how to start your own blog, click here.)
My love of writing, of photography, of teaching, of making, of designing- it’s all here. I couldn’t have planned it better if I tried.
But the point of this post isn’t about me because I want you to know this…
Whenever you feel lost, know that God’s direction is different than yours.
Whenever you fall, know that God is using that moment in your life to teach you and prepare you.
Whenever you lose faith and you think it’s the end of a long road, know that God has something better for you up ahead.
You just have to trust. And have faith like a child’s.
Thank you for taking a moment out of your day to check in on my adventures. You are a piece of my dream come true.