“Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
I’ve debated for months to share this post. And, to be honest, after I write this down, it’ll be even tougher to hit the “publish” button.
But I feel like I owe it to any other women out there who have gone through or are currently going through the same thing.
Photo credit: Alisha Rudd Photography
Exactly 11 months ago, our precious little Regan came into the world. I prayed for this girl before even the faintest line on the pregnancy test appeared. The 9 months of pregnancy were an absolute breeze, and after having Olivia 6 years before, I felt like, “I’ve got this. No problem.”
Ahhh yes… second child delusions.
So when we came home from the hospital after delivery with Regan, I had no idea life would hit me like a freight train. Life with a newborn is challenging, yes. But this was different.
To be fair, delivery was tough, and I was nearly rushed to the operating room minutes after Regan emerged because of some complications. But the doctors thought they resolved it without having to take more extensive medical interventions and sent me on my merry way 24 hours after giving birth.
The next months that followed came with a colicky baby with undiagnosed acid reflux and dairy intolerance resulting in a stress-filled breastfeeding journey, chronic ear infections that led to a tube procedure, and endless nights of our little girl awake screaming in pain every 45 minutes.
I ended up back at the hospital in the operating room 8 weeks after delivery to correct my postpartum complications, prolonging my recovery. And with 11 months of exclusive pumping under my belt, I had 5 horrible cases of mastitis induced by stress.
Every formula we tried, Regan had a sensitivity to, so I told myself, “Either she has to be in pain or I do; I’ll suffer through it.” So I lived attached to a machine for 2-3 hours per day, which is never anyone’s idea of fun.
And probably the most crushing of them all, I realized at the 8 month mark that I’d been dealing with Postpartum Depression on top of everything.
I tell you all of this not to get a reaction of “poor pitiful you”. Because I legitimately had NO IDEA that was the name of what I was experiencing.
Because depression means you’re sad, right? But the thing is I was absolutely emotion-less. In those 8 months, I had gone completely emotionally numb. I loved my two little girls and Robert, but I had to really dig deep to feel sadness or happiness or anything other than downright anxiety about every single thing.
It’s not like I was suicidal… I was just in survival mode.
Photo credit: Lindsey Morgan Photography
I’d forget to eat and unintentionally starve myself until I realized when I’d get the shakes that I hadn’t eaten in 18 hours.
I was always exhausted, but I could never rest because my mind would be racing with a million and one thoughts in my head in full-blown panic.
I had zero interest in doing anything socially, answering emails, responding to comments or text messages, and when I did, it absolutely drained me.
I would get waves of outright irrepressible rage for things like my 6 year-old taking longer than 10 seconds to get out of the car. I cursed the thought of having to shower or put on makeup because I didn’t have an ounce of energy to do it. I hated being touched. I felt resentment with guilt immediately following, and worst of all…
I was so embarrassed that I buried all of it as deep as I possibly could. So I smiled, put on a happy performance, and tried to fool everyone, including myself.
I had everyone believing, including my own husband, that I was totally 100% fine.
But in my head, I prayed that God would finally let me rest, finally let me be the mother my girls needed, finally let me be the wife my husband needed. Make me stronger and help me be one of those moms who make it seem so effortless, Lord, please!
But I told absolutely no one, not even Robert.
I tried everything within my power to resolve it on my own, and while some days were better than others, it came in waves and never completely went away.
Then when my last bout of mastitis hit, and I had to see my doctor for the 7th time since delivery, she asked me one question before my appointment was over, “How are you doing?”
And a little voice in my head said, “Tell the truth.” I admitted it. “I think I need some help.”
It was the biggest relief to spill everything to my doctor and finally put the feelings into words.
Not even a week later, after starting a low-dose antidepressant, I felt like I could finally take my first deep breaths, like I had been underwater all this time. Robert and my parents have been my support system through all of it.
I started taking time to read my devotionals, pray, meditate and get my mind “right” for just a few minutes every day alongside the medication.
And now 3 months after my diagnosis, even though life with a baby is still stressful, it’s the normal kind of stressful, not the I-want-to-run-away kind of stressful.
For the first time in a long time, I’m excited about this phase of life. A part of me wants to scoop my baby girls right out of their beds right this second and kiss those squishy, butter soft cheeks. I have every intention of sneaking into their rooms for a quickie cuddle sesh as soon as I’m finished writing this. 😉
So there. Phew! It’s out there now. And while it’s not a story I EVER thought I’d tell, one I never thought would be a chapter in my book, maybe by my sharing it, it helps someone recognize too that it’s not normal.
Hormones are weird, and they can do all sorts of things to trick our brains until we become someone we don’t even recognize. If you’re struggling, know that it is not your fault and talk to someone – your spouse, your doctor, your mom, your best friend.
There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s taken quite awhile for me to come to terms with that part. Don’t ever be too proud to ask for help, no matter what sort of help that may be.
Our babies need their mommies at their very best. You deserve to look back on these days in the future to remember the snuggles, the giggles, the heart-bursting cup-overflowing love of every sweet, fleeting moment. Soak it up, mamas.
I am so thankful for y’all and your encouragement over these last 11 months (and prior). Whether you knew it or not, your kind words were what kept me going some days. So please accept this big bear hug. I still don’t know how on earth anyone reads this little blog of mine, but I sure am glad y’all stick around. 😉
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Very brave of you to share your story, and so happy that you finally asked for, and got, help. I don’t know you, but am so proud of you for that! I went through a similar situation during menopause, and went on a low dose of anti-depressants. Those meds were literally life savers. Although the solution may be different for everyone, there’s no reason for anyone to suffer the effects of crazy hormones in silence. Wishing you much peace and extra snuggles with your beautiful family.
We, women, are amazing and so, so strong!!! Enjoy your little girls and be very happy!!!
Hi Lauren, this sounds like my exact story, except mine happened 38 years ago. No one had heard or spoke about Post Partum Depression. I thought I was a horrible mother, and didn’t understand why my second was completely opposite of my first. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening to me. Eventually I got better, but 9 years later was diagnosed with a nonfunctioning thyroid and even meds didn’t help because I was undiagnosed Autoimmune Disease. I’m so glad you were able to get the help you needed, and thankyou for sharing your experience so other new moms can realize this is hormonal, and that there is an answer.
Draga mea Lauren,
Rezulta ca esti o femeie puternica si inteleapta care are in jur o familie minunata. Ne-ai povestit despre caderile umane, intalnite tot mai des in zilele noastre, din varii motive.
Sfaturile tale sunt magice! Sunt sigura ca multora le-ai clarificat si chiar vindecat, jumatate din starea neplacuta.
Calde imbratisari, Mia
Mulțumesc!
Lauren, what your native language? Czech?
I’m glad that you asked for help and that you are now feeling like your old self. Depression is horrible and if you haven’t experienced it, you can’t imagine how it makes you feel. I haven’t experienced PPD, but my daily magic pill helps me deal with the stress of my cancer.
My great-grandmother was institutionalized by my great-grandfather after she gave birth to her third child and never was released from the insane asylum. My aunt and I are positive that she had PPD and simply needed some anti-depressant medication which probably hadn’t been discovered at that time. Those were the days when your husband could institutionalize his wife without her consent. My grandmother and her brother and sister were raised by aunts and they never had a relationship with their mother. Isn’t that a sad PPD story?
There were many women that had the same thing happen to them in the 1940s. PPD was considered a mental illness and the cure was EST. My mother spent most of her life after I was born in custodial care. When she was dying at 93, a nurse told me she had worked in these hospitals and told me about how many there were who never recovered from EST. There should have been some sort of restitution for these families. I pray we are better than that today.
I am so sorry to hear what a tough year it has been but very glad that you are feeling better. When I was pregnant I read up on every thing I could possibly suffer from after the birth so thought I was well prepared. Like you I thought depression meant you felt sad but I was just numb and felt like an actor just going through the motions. I realise now how bad it got but I was scared if I told anyone I did not feel anything for my baby they would take him away from me. Thankfully things improved but I was terrified the same thing would happen with my second baby two years later. The strange thing was that once I had my son (much easier birth, no medical intervention like the first time) it felt like all the hormones which had been shaken up and caused me so many issues the first time just fell back into place where they should have been all along. I am convinced difficult births are a factor in PPD. Take care all the way from Manchester in North West England.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I have read your blog for a few years now and really enjoy it. What comes through in your blog is your talent, kindness, good taste, and love for your family. Your home is just lovely, as is your family. A++. for doing a great job and inspiring the rest of us. So glad you are feeling better!
I knew something was going on and it wasn’t just having a newborn. I wondered about it. I have loved following you and I’m so happy you are doing better!!
Thank you for sharing!!! Others will be helped by your honesty.
Lauren you are so incredibly brave for sharing and I know it will bless so many mommas out there. I suffered from pp depression and kept it to myself for way to long because I felt quilt and ashamed for feeling the way I did. Thankful for a doctor who was very intuitive and saw something was just not right. Thanks again for your honesty.
Best. Post. Ever.
Thank you for sharing this! I have four boys and each time the PPD was worse than the time before. Back in those days it wasn’t something that anybody talked about and I remember feeling so ashamed of what I was feeling on top of everything else. The only thing that got me through was lots of prayer and knowing that it would eventually get better (after going through it the first time). I’m so glad you’re feeling better!
You are human! No shame in that game. I’m so glad you shared your story and I wish you well! Love your blog and everything that you share. Have a great day!
Thank you for your transparency! You made the road easier for someone else and you were very brave to do that. I’m a personal coach/trainer, and I have worked with women who suffered from depression and it was hard for them to “come out” and tell their spouse/partner as well. I have gone through it myself and know it is very difficult to manage the anger and sorrow. Bless you for being strong and getting help. It won’t last forever. God bless you and your precious family!
Mine didn’t hit until baby #4 and I absolutely didn’t recognize it either. I didn’t have it with the other three, how could it happen with #4? Thankfully I had a very good doctor and because I was good about my routine follow up care after my c-section, he started asking me the right questions on a follow up visit. I’m so glad you got help and are sharing your story!
You are as prolific a person as is your writing ability. God bless you.
I went through this with my fourth child. It got so bad my husband called an ambulance. He wasn’t home and it was the only thing he knew to do to help me. It was the wake up call I needed, for sure. I just kept “toughing it out” and felt like a wimpy weakling for “complaining”. (Depression is a liar.) So many women have gone through this. Never be afraid to ask for help or to talk about it, ladies. (PS Baby number 4 is three years old now. We are all thriving.)
Thank you for sharing! What a powerful story and message. I am so glad that you opened up to your doctor and you are feeling better. We ALL need help, at times…
I am so glad you shared this! I have been there too and without medication nothing helped. I don’t have a forum like you do to spread knowledge and understanding but I am glad you used yours to do just that. So glad you are feeling better!
You just gave invaluable hope and understanding to so many women – like ripples on a pond……Bless you and your family as you embrace life with all it’s ups and downs. Peace to you all.
I went through it as well when my children were young – it took me a long 3 years to get help the first time. My children are adults now and I have dealt with perimenopause and and thyroid issues for 15 years, but I have learned so much about my body! If I could tell the younger me one thing, it would be to find a functional medicine doctor who specializes in HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Have them check your Vitamin D and DHEA levels (both are hormones that work in sync with our female hormones). You might not need an antidepressant as much as you need some hormone adjustments. Antidepressants can work, but they are often just a band aid for the real problem. Functional doctors sometimes don’t take insurance, but their cost is generally not much more than what you pay before you meet your deductible. Worth it either way – IMO!
Love and look forward to your blog!
you are so brave to open up about depression. I have been battling it for most of my life. Thankfully like you, I have such a strong support system with my family. Keep being the strong, amazing woman you are ❤️
This made me cry! I also suffered through depression that started after my first son was born. I loved my son, but it terrified me that I didn’t love motherhood and all that comes with it- the nursing and the sleep deprivation and having to work full time… I just wanted to hide under the bed covers and never come out. Thank heavens for eventually finding an antidepressant that worked for me. I wish I’d started it sooner than two and a half years after my son was born. Staying on a low dose antidepressant during my second pregnancy made such a difference in being able to handle two young children and life in general. I wish I could have had the same sense of peace in the early months of taking care of my oldest son as I had with my second. To all new mommies: if you feel helpless, tell someone! There’s no shame in treating depression. Your children deserve the best you that you can be!
I am certain that you have helped so many others who may be feeling the same depression and have been afraid or embarrassed to reach out for help. Depression is a medical condition and all stigma from it should be eliminated! I went through 7 years of intensive fertility treatments that resulted in 2 miscarriages and no live birth. The fertility medications wreaked havoc on my body including emotions. We need to wipe out the stigma attached to emotional disease.
Wow. I could have written this! My second childbirth – 40 years ago! – was easy but my baby was colicky and cried all the time, never sleeping more than a couple of hours at a time. I tried to nurse her, but she wouldn’t latch. We tried formula, but she was allergic; we tried them all. She survived mostly on pedialyte and flat Sprite. She couldn’t keep anything down; we had 11 crib sheets and went through all of them most days. The depression was debilitating, but I’d never heard of PPD. Like you, I was frustrated and felt like a failure. I was numb but had no choice but to go to work every day. I felt like the Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby, “wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.”
I knew my baby was hungry but she couldn’t keep anything down. Her pediatrician offered no support except to say that she would grow out of it. One day when she was 8 months old, out of desperation I gave her plain milk from the refrigerator. She drank it and fell asleep for several hours. She didn’t throw up and stopped crying all the time. We were finally able to add in some cereal and baby food – she was like a new baby!
When my daughter got better, I began to get better too, but it was a horrible time. Thank you for sharing your story. Surely your post will reach someone who needs it and she will be encouraged by it.
You are brave and kind to share your experience. It is more prevalent than we know and harder than one can ever imagine. Happy you have finally gotten a bit of relief to become your full self and to be able to enjoy your precious ones.
Bless you for sharing this. I cannot even fathom all that. Keep the faith and keep sharing – this too shall pass….sounds like you are well on your way,
I am adding you and your sweet family to my prayers, Lauren. Hugs.
Bless your heart. I’ve been through the same with my youngest babes. It’s so hard being a Mama sometimes! I ended up on Zoloft and the baby with Similac Ailmentum. My vitamin D was so low it was almost non existent and my thyroid levels were off. I see others have commented that so I’d check that out if you haven’t already. NOT what I planned for at all! But a year later I’m happy and she’s happy.
Lauren, thank you for sharing, thank you for your courage. Many mothers will relate to your experiences who I know will be grateful you put it out there so they also can find the courage to get needed help. Bless you in your continued journey with your darling family.
Bravo, Bravo!!!! It takes guts to share this part of your story but it’s critical for others to know and understand that they’re not alone! Three cheers!
It is so brave of you to share your story. I have always believed hormones can wreck havoc on your emotional well being. Going through menopause only proved it to me. Your story is inspiring and beneficial to so many who may be suffering in silence. God Bless you.
That made me teary-eyed just reading! I’m in my early 60’s and know how hard it is to admit to the world what we think is our own short-comings. You did the right thing by telling your doctor that things weren’t just right and you recognized that. I love reading your blog and send you my hugs and prayers that you will be able to enjoy this next season of your life. My two children are grown, who lived through my PMS mood swings and looking back I realize that I should have done something about that even then. Thankfully when menopause hit, I was able to speak up and tell the doctor so I could weather that season without any casualties. haha (And happy to say I’m on the other side of that, too, now!) Blessings to you and your sweet family and prayers for your safety as well. (not sure if hurricane season affects you or not, but if so – be safe.)
Oh, it can all look so perfect, we can do so many amazing things, we can be what holds so many other’s worlds together. And we are broken. We ask for help for broken limbs but balk at asking fir help for minds and hearts. I am so happy you are mending. I kept hoping I wasn’t going to read this, and I am grateful I did, so I see you are getting a helping hand. We don’t really know everyone here on your blog, but we are all “sisters.” We are together through this. Love from Montreal, Quebec, Canada – Love travels far!
So glad that you opened up to your family and found the right person to help.
I am so happy you’re feeling better Lauren. I am also sorry you prolonged the help you needed. I understand as I often try to wait things out myself, thinking I will feel better tomorrow, best not to burden anyone else. You are a wonderful woman, mother, wife & daughter, based on what I have gleaned from reading your posts! Stay happy & well!
Bless your heart! I’m so glad you are feeling better. I had it with my first child and, like you, it was a numb feeling where I couldn’t describe what exactly I was feeling. My second came less than two years later and luckily everything was better and I didn’t get it again. What a blessing you were able to get some help and are better. Thank you so much for sharing. The more we talk about PPD the more young mommas won’t feel so alone.
Thank you for sharing! I had PPD after my first but not after my second. No one knows how or why. If I had not asked for help I am not sure what would have happened. It is so scary to go through. I am glad you are doing better!
Hormones are amazing li’l buggars! They can lift us up, and they can tear us down in ways we do not understand and certainly do not recognize. When we don’t know what is happening to us, especially at first, how can we explain it to anyone else? I did not have PPD but going through menopause the hot flashes were horrible. Many times a day and some of them made me feel like I would burst into flames. Those commercials we see with the lady sticking her head in the cooler at the grocery store? That was me. I weaned off Premarin and started taking OTC Estroven. It helped so much, in many ways. My naturally sunny disposition was all but gone before I got on the right meds. It does take courage to talk about, and once we do we realize how much it helps, how many others have gone through things they didn’t want to talk about, either. God made us all sisters, and I pray we can be there and support each other in any way needed always!
Thank you for sharing your brave story. You are a beautiful soul that deserves to be happy. Your girls have a wonderful mom!
I feel I speak for many, when I say that we all wish we could give you a big bear hug, too! Consider this an electronic hug! In past posts, you have shared the “Sorry about the mess, but we live here!” reality behind the finished product scenes with us. It is very much appreciated in this media world of glossy, picture perfect portrayals that bombard us daily! Although we’ve never met in person, following your blog has created an electronic friendship, a modern day pen pal! It perks me up to look in my email and see another blog from you. It’s like keeping in touch with a friend. Sharing this story is just one more way you show us that you are human! You care about us more than just as followers of a blog. Stories like yours can really help others in times of need. We women are strong and it sometimes gets in our own way! Thank you for showing us to ask for help when we need it! Holding you and your Family in thought and prayer. You go, girl!
My story, too, but 31 years ago. Post birth, I was neutral and tired, but kept quiet because of shame. How could I feel so…neutral about this birth of our baby? It was my 3rd birth, and I knew what to expect, didn’t I? I managed meals and laundry and soccer practices, but nothing else. Stopped answering the phone and going to church. The only thing I did well was hide it. The pediatrician finally asked if I was okay because I looked sad. I burst into tears and said I didn’t want to be a mom anymore. He explained what was probably happening and called my doctor who saw me that day. PPD is a very real thing.
Thank you for being so very brave and sharing your story. It is worth it, if it helps only 1 that may be suffering with this. Too many suffer in silence because they do not know what it is. My daughter went through this, in the worst way. So happy that you have now found relief and back to your normal self.
Bless your heart for sharing this, you never know who you may help, not only those who read it, but people think they may share it with as well. I also experience those numb feelings after I had my second child and I know all to well how horrible it feels. I lost weight because of not having an appetite and just didn’t care about things, like nursing my baby. That was 20 years ago, and now i’m dealing with hormones issues again like extreme irritability, not wanting to be touched, and emotional meltdowns. So glad you are doing better! I really enjoy your writing style and sense of humor and seeing photos of your beautiful home and family❤️.
After reading your story Lauren and reading all of the comments/responses..Wow! You’ve touched many hearts today including mine..that’s a gift…I have a few blogs I read daily as they speak to me and yours is one of them…whether it be home decor or crafts or life itself. Grateful that you share ‘You”!
I’ve experienced depression and you described it very well. It’s often NOT being suicidal but it is about survival. Medication helps me stay in balance. And God sustains me each day. Life is good!
You’re amazing! I struggled with PPD too, and it was the same thing, emotionaless. I remember sitting in the living room and my husband, baby, and older son were just laughing hysterically, and I couldn’t match the enthusiasm. It was like everyone around me was having fun and I just couldn’t connect. Thats when I realized I had a problem and things got a bit better from there. Glad you found the help you need, it’s such a hard journey to navigate, especially since most of us don’t know we’re in it, until we’re deep in it!
Paige
http://thehappyflammily.com
You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your PPD journey.
Dear Lauren,
Glad you are feeling better! I always enjoy reading your blog.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Not all superheroes wear capes, do they?
Sonya B.
Sometimes we women are so busy being heroes to everyone that we forget to take care of ourselves! So glad you opened up to your doctor-I’m sure that was hard. I suffer a bit of depression. The old “my life didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped” type plus a grown son with substance abuse problems. Life is a struggle for sure but we gals are survivors for sure!
I had always wanted a large family but had severe PPD 3 times. It was real and it was rough. There were no medications or understanding of it 35 years ago. I prayed and waited it out always depending on the Grace of God. He got me through. Stick it out. It will pass. Thanks for sharing.
Lauren, it was so brave of you to share your story. I love your blog and I am so pleased that you are feeling better. I hope others will be encouraged by your story to seek help when needed so they can get back to doing the things they love!
This is beautiful. Real life versus reel life. So much of social media only focus’ on the highlight reel and for the most part that’s ok since I know we all like positive things to focus on. However many of us have been touched by anxiety and depression and it’s refreshing to hear someone speak honestly about their experience. Love you and your beautiful blog! Sending love to you and your family💗
Your honesty about your journey with PPD will help someone else. Thanks for taking the difficult step and sharing.
You opened the door by sharing your story. Other women shared their stories. I am sure these will help other women. Wishing you the best.
This is so perfectly written and like I put my own situation into words! I also had a newborn with bouts of colic and undiagnosed acid reflux due to a lip tie. We had it cut at 2 months and it was life changing for both her and I, but it took her months after to even adjust to that. Many sleepless nights and crying with anybody but me was exhausting. It was at exactly 8 months for me to that I just realized I just wasn’t myself, having sudden angry towards my 4 yr old and just plain feeling irritable ALL THE TIME. The low dose antidepressant I went on was a game changer! Within days I felt lighter and more capable of life. No shame for me! I actually encourage other mothers to talk to their doctor because it made such a difference in my life. So glad you realized the need to take care of yourself and are in a better place. Love your blog <3
Well, I can’t even begin to tell you how much joy this post brought to me. No I’m not in your boat – I’m a grandma 3 times over but this was so inspirational. You should really think about being an inspirational speaker. I take joy in knowing you were not only strong enough to seek out help from your doctor, but more important to the one true doctor of our soul, GOD. Bless you Lauren – may His grace and peace bring you the comfort and joy you seek.
Thanks for sharing. Your family is lovely.
I am a grandma yet I can relate. Thanks for your courage and willingness to be vulnerable. Your story does make a positive difference! I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Hugs to you❤️
Share your truth girl, because when we do, it allows others to do the same! ❤️❤️❤️
YES!
Thank you for sharing Lauren. Glad you were able to ask for help. Absolutely amazing. Hope you will continue to get better. Enjoy the time with your beautiful girls and husband and thank you for this blog. You are amazing and so strong
Just coming to leave a “me too”…my husband was deployed and I had two under two and the irrepressible rage I too felt was scary to me and was the catalyst for me getting help. I couldn’t breathe. My youngest dealt with ear infection after ear infection too and the incessant crying would send me into a spiral i couldn’t shake. No husband, no family, just me, the girls and the dog for months on end. I too tried so hard to hide it and did so, well for too long. My anti-depressant has helped me immensely. No shame. Motherhood is hard. The lack of sleep, the pain, the suffocation of someone needing you 24 hours a day, the crying…it’s a recipe for disaster!! So glad you were able to open up and thanks so much for sharing your story! Last Christmas I asked Santa for a vasectomy and he delivered 😂😉
(((((((((Lauren and her beautiful family)))))))
Thank you so much for sharing this! This sounds almost exactly like my story! I never thought of it as post pardum depression though and brutally just struggled through it. I know that this will help someone because if I had read this 3 years ago it would have helped me tremendously! You are so very brave and I am so happy that you were able to get the help you needed!
There is a lot more to having a baby than we are warned about ….. the stress levels are sky high as well as hormonal changes. I look back (I’m 77) and realize I too had this with my 2nd child, and took it out on the first ….. we didn’t have the knowledge then we do now. I’m glad you got the help needed. ann (Canada)
Been there. You smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes, right? I was going through menopause. Finally talked to my doctor and what a help she was! We are human…so glad God made you answer the question! When it gets rough with life, step back and look for the joy! Prayers!!!
Thank you so much for sharing. I relate, I understand, and I am proud of you.
Proud of you Mama! After having my second child I suffered from PPD. I laugh now but always say if my second had been born first there wouldn’t have been a second. I knew two was my limit. Compared to my first pregnancy it was an uncomfortable pregnancy, miserable birth and a blur the next couple of months after. Thankful my husband figured out what was going on and persistently sought the help I desperately needed. All four of us have survived. My oldest proposed to his girlfriend last month and my youngest is studying her way through her junior year of high school. I believe more mommies suffer from PPD than people realize. And that’s not okay! Us Mamas must stick together to build up and help each other. Take care sweet Mama and snuggle those babies.
I am so relieved that you have recognized there is a problem and are getting the relief you need. I am astonished at your bravery to share and yes, that was the right decision. No mother ever, has had it easy. We try to do three days of work in one day at the expense of our physical and emotional selves. Now that my children have just graduated college, I can finally objectively look back and say, I was crazy for trying to do so much at once with two tiny children.
So you have my permission and everyone else’s to just stop when you need to stop & tell yourself it is okay to shrug off that to-do list for today and only do the most important things: feed your children and yourself & get all three into bed for restorative sleep.
As far as your partner, just be kindly direct & honest. Mine thinks I am angry with him when I am just making checklists in my head. Now we have relearned that a “heads up” communication between us keeps our relationship drama free.
I felt your pain with the breastfeeding issues as that reminded me of my experience with my son. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. I did find a great lactation consultant in an age where breastfeeding wasn’t popular(1994). Bless her!
Looking back on raising children is so interesting. Really, the cuddling on the couch or reading bedside stories or making cookies together are the beat memories ever. Somehow we bathed, clothed, taught, & loved them all those years, even with the time constraints.
God bless you & your family.
Thank you, Kathleen! Your support is greatly appreciated.
I love your blog and your Facebook group….. mostly because I feel the genuine woman you are shines through in EVERY word you write. This may usually be a decorating forum, but the Lord uses us in unusual ways. Someone (or many someone’s) needed to hear this message and if it had to come through this heartfelt post on a DIY budget decor blog….. then So be it. xx thank you for sharing
As you can see by reading these comments, you are not alone! I have so many friends who take antidepressants and they are all wonderful human beings! I also take them. Do not be afraid to admit that life can be overwhelming at times. Be courageous and do what you know is right! God bless you and your family!
Thank you, Maureen!!
Your brave and honest story is so appreciated. I’m so proud of you.
You will probably never know how much your words will encourage others to ask for help.Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing these thoughts. I wish this kind of information was available 55 years ago when I needed help and knew not where to ask. Thank you again and again and much love to you and your sweet family. God Bless you.
So glad you got help and are feeling better Lauren!
And may God continue to help and hold you and your family.
No shame in being sick and weak.
God uses all these things in our lives to shape us more into His image.
He loves you and is with you… through it all.
Christine
New Hampshire
Glad you were able to find the understanding you need. Depression (all types) is a common occurrence. Not everyone understands though. People don’t understand until it hits close to home.
Lauren, thank you for being real and taking time to share your story with us. I struggled with PPD after my first child was born, this time around I have been lucky. I work in Child Support and completely know what a roller coaster of emotions can occur while your pregnant and then postpartum as well. It is a tough battle. I will be praying for you and your family. Best wishes!
Lauren- Thank you so much for sharing your story. I went through postpartum depression after my second child was born. It was a tricky pregnancy and she was born 8 weeks early. I pumped around the clock throughout the month that she was in the hospital, so even when she wasn’t home yet, I was still sleep deprived. obviously this was a very stressful time to have a baby in the NICU while also trying to be a good mama to my 3 year old who wasn’t allowed to visit. I didn’t hit the wall until a few days before my baby girl came home. I started to lose my joy, didn’t look forward to anything and worst of all didn’t feel that need to nurture when she came home. Just like you said- high anxiety (and hopelessness) were my only 2 emotions. I too had to force myself to eat. Luckily my mother in law recognized what I was going through. She had walked a similar road and told my husband that I needed help. Praise God for family and medicine to help me get back to solid ground. I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. May our sweet Jesus bless you with his peaceful presence as you walk this mamahood journey!!
Thank you for sharing your experience. Hugs to you, Amy!!
Lauren, I’m sending a “big bear hug” right back to you — from Canada! It will be nice and warm when you receive it! Ha! Ha!
Thank you for being so honest — with all of your “sister readers” — in sharing your innermost thoughts! We appreciate you more than you will even know. Just love your posts and really look forward to each one.
So glad that you are feeling better. It has been a tough time for you but so happy that you are looking forward to happier days ahead! You have such a precious husband and two little girls who just love you so very much and want only the best for you!
Keep up with your devos as spending time with God each day is so important and such a blessing. He knows all about you and what you are going through and is only a prayer away.
Take care, Lauren. I will keep you in my prayers each day — and your family, too! Blessings to all of you!
Lauren,
I am so glad you got the help you needed..
Never feel bad for expressing personal truths and being vulnerable. You’re human… and we are too. It’s all so warmly received. As you said, “deep breaths.” Time will pass and this shall too.
Thank you, Kate! I appreciate your support.
My daughter went through the same thing with her second child. Fortunately, she got help as well. That medication was life changing! We women are so tough, we hesitate to seek help when we need it. I am glad you were able to ask and receive help and bravely share your story.
DM’d you, sweet friend! You did GREAT on this post! (we are twins! ;-))
💞
Thank you for sharing your story about battling PPD. You will in turn help others. Another reason I love reading your blog, you are real!
Oh my goodness, have you EVER had so many responses to a blog post??? I know you have helped many by your sharing. What a beautiful family you are. Your photos bring tears to my eyes!!
The mom who needed to hear they are not alone, the mom of a 7 yr old boy and 6 month old beautiful girl, the mom who was months in denial and told no one only hid behind smiles and work, the mom who felt no emotion and didnt want to talk about her newborn and didnt know why, the mom who felt horrible guilt, the mom who is still scared even after getting help from their doctor and drugs to tell anyone but her husband in fear of what others would think, that mom needed you and your words.
Wonderful post! Why does nobody discuss PPD? This post will help other women who don’t understand why they are in darkness.
Lauren,
You have helped so many women that could not put their feelings into words! I am also so proud of you for doing this! We need to support each other and speak with our hearts!❤️We also need to listen with our hearts as others share their feelings!❤️🤗You are a great friend to all of us! Thanks!❤️🤗
Thank you for your support, Vicki. Hugs. 🙂
Great info thanks buddy! Will surely utilize your research resources.
I am so thankful that you put your story out there. Fifty years ago no-one EVER mentioned being depressed after having a baby.
After my first child was born I was going through a divorce. My family and friends were all supportive, but it was tough. I had postpartum depression, but did not know how to cope with those horrible sad feelings. I was like you, I was in survival mode. My little boy was so special to me. He is what I lived for, but whoa that sadness is all consuming. Even my Mother would say, You have a healthy baby, what do you have to feel sad about? Like I said in 1969 no-one talked about it.
Fast forward four years. I met a wonderful man who loved my Son and we had a wonderful life. I gave birth to my second Son two years after we were married. I remember bending over to pick up something that I dropped at the hospital and the tears started to fall. That overwhelming feeling of grief hit me again. The horrible sadness was back. My husband worried about me. I did finally talk to the Dr and he prescribed something for me which helped me sleep better and COPE!
Bless you for sharing. I know that it will help someone who probably does not know how to deal with their feelings. Thank The Lord that we survived.
Thank you for sharing. It’s hard to deal with depression and even harder to share it. atm, I’m dealing with the aftermath of my husband’s death a month ago. I’m 70, he was 67 when he passed. I feel flatlined cuz I’ve had no time to deal with my emotions due to the overwhelming work of taking care of business after he died. I knew there would be paperwork after a spouse passes. But I had no idea of the incredible amount of paperwork, phone calls, emails and texts, billpays to made, decisions to be made and in addition, trying to take care of myself. I have had 2 surgeries this year and have 2 more surgeries yet to be done. Because of your post, I’m going to make an appt with my GYN dr soon and share with her what I’m going thru.
As you can see from all of the previous responses, we (your “peeps”) appreciate and value honesty and vulnerability. You offer that on a regular basis in your decorating posts (letting us know the good AND bad in a project), so sharing your struggle with PPD is just an extension of who you are. SO many mamas need to know they’re not alone in the struggle with PPD. Bless you, bless you and your precious family!!
I don’t have children, but am guardian to a 37-year-old nephew with an Acquired Brain Injury and I know depression too. After five years I finally asked for help and what a difference a low dose antidepressant has been! I am glad you shared your story and I wish you all the best. I remember the days when no one talked of cancer, the “C” word, and it really helped when Betty Ford talked about hers. I am open about my depression and, like you, it helps to put it out there. I am not ashamed and by talking about it, I get a lot of emotional support, also very important. Thank you for sharing your story and of course we ALL wish you well! Sending LOVE & LIGHT, gwen
Thank you for sharing your experience, Lauren. Caring for a new baby, on top of all of life’s other demands, can be an exhausting experience for the most energetic of us. Both of my children had extended periods of colic even though I was nursing them, so there were hours and hours of crying every single day and night, along with sleep deprivation from night feedings. It was exhausting, and I felt so depleted. I should have had a Fitbit in those days! You have been courageous in sharing this post and lend encouragement to other women to ask for help of whatever type they may need. I think other moms understand, not judge! God bless you and your beautiful family. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to future news from you.
Thank you for the caring words of encouragement. 🙂
As a PA in women’s health, and someone who dealt with postpartum depression as well, I just want to really say thank you, and I commend you for sharing your story. It is not easy to deal with, and no one wants to admit when they are struggling, especially during a time that is “supposed to be the happiest of our lives!” Motherhood is hard. It is wonderful and it is hard, and in my opinion, not enough people talk about some of the tougher issues. But, as you’ve seen in your comments, you are not alone, and I am so glad that you were able to get the help you deserve.
I also just want to mention, in case anyone out there is reading this, that PPD can occur anytime in the 12 months after delivery. A lot of people think of it only in those first few months, but really it’s that first year after birth that women are at risk, so I encourage anyone that may develop symptoms or have concerns about this, even if your infant is 6 months, 9 months, 12 months to talk to their doctor.
Thank you for sharing. I had postpartum anxiety with my third baby and it was really bad. I went to counseling because I felt fear for everything and was in a state of panic most of the time.I also felt numb but mine was because the anxiety was so overwhelming it would take over and control my brain, and if I avoided feeling it I would get into panic mode. This also made me feel depressed, because I wanted to be “normal” and enjoy this baby girl I had prayed for so long. We do not have to suffer in silence. Anyway thank you for sharing! We can all empower and support one another!
Just in case it is helpful. I did not learn this until my fifth child and I sure wish I knew it starting with my first. For clogged ducts which happen before mastitis put a leaf of Cabbage in your bra and refresh as needed. This pulls the milk through. After I learned this I never had another sick day of living in the bath tub with hot and cold packs and nursing extremely painful. I just put the leaf in and went about my day. Cabbage keeps in the fridge for a very long time so always keep some there for anything the soreness starts.
Love your site! I remember writing my “why” for my blog and talking about my PPD. It was so hard to write and like you said, even harder to publish. But, once I did – I felt a weight was lifted. Moms going through PPD are never alone. I knew someone else could relate to my story and my hope is that it’ll help another mom feel a little less alone!
Lauren, I’ve been a reader for years and never commented before. But I wanted to thank you so much for sharing your story. You are such a strong, creative, talented woman — your daughters are so lucky to have you as an example! I am so glad you are feeling better.
Thank you for your support and taking the time for the encouragement. I am glad to have you along this journey.